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The Truth About Marriage pt. I

Well it has been a full year since I have been married. Honestly, I am still in shock that I even had a boyfriend let alone a "whole husband" lol. Marriage was a discussion very early on in my relationship.

There is this belief that women (people in general) need to just spontaneously date. Along with this, the whole notion of wait to see where it goes.

Date to see "what you like." What if "what you like" are just physical or material things? What if you have a cycle of toxic relationships?

People believe you have to date to get over the last relationship. That sounds good and all but as Lauryn Hill said, "How you gone win when you ain't right within."

It is very clear when you are sitting across the table from someone or even communicating with them if you like them or not. Or better yet, see a future with them.

But for some, dating is a reflection of their life. Living by the moment, doing what feels good and always seeking instant gratification.

First, I had to be in a posture and position to receive my husband and be open to what God sends my way. The first problem of many relationship sis that the individuals in them do not know God and therefore do not know love because God is Love.

Thus, I needed to be a wife before I was ready to receive a husband. Just like we need to follow, submit and serve Christ before we can be used by God and have life more abundantly.

Prior to marriage I have personal goals for my self. They included, 1. Pay off my credit debt. 2. Lose more weight post- VSG 3. Get BBL after the weight loss. But still in debt and still not under 200 pounds here comes my husband.

Anywho here it is... This is how my fairy tale began

How did we meet?

I met Mac on Tinder. I downloaded the app in hopes of meeting fellow people of color in Japan. I say people of color because as an American I identify with being black ( a color), but people from other countries identify by their country.

Why him?

Honestly, I was Tindering several other men. It was just typical "good morning beautiful" talk. It was just something to do in my free time. However, he began to consistently message me on there. We had actually dialogue. There was context and substance to our tindering which made him stand out.

How did we move from Tinder?

After meeting a guy friend in Seoul, (strictly platonic) I realized how much a distraction Tinder was for me. It was just endless heys. How's your day? Let's meet up when you're in town. But nothing fruitful.

There are so many things that I do not even need to go to God for when he makes it very clear in his word and through the Holy Spirit.

If Christ came back, I would not want to be with someone else's husband when they could be focused on seeking their wife. If I know from the jump we are not equally yoked and they know that too I dismiss myself immediately.

Honestly, I believe you can tell from the beginning when it is a Yes, but even more when it is a NO!! But the "maybe" is possibly why some people consider dating. I have never been a girl to date just for the company. So that is why I go off Tinder.

I have always had a marriage mindset.

Unfortunately, before Christ, I just settled for the low hanging fruit. That was because I was not right from within so my dating habits reflected how little I thought of myself and others. That is what sin does. It alienates you from God and others. I guess this is when I decided to delete the app. In that process, something said, "but give this guy your number."

So what was next?

We began texting consistently and I soon thereafter went to visit him in Gwanju where he lived. We met at the bus station, which serves as a "mall." ( I would compare it to Atlantic station) There, we went for dinner, caught a move, and ended the night with drinks. I was in awe just from that. The entire date was considerate of my time and the fact this was my first time in this new city.

How did you know?

To make a long story short. I was open minded. I did not go into this relationship as I did previously being romantic and thinking he could be the one. I wanted to know fro God was this His will. If it wasn't get thee behind me satan.

However, Mac did not leave and I did not want him to. The Bible says, O daughters of Jerusalem, I adjure you: Do not arouse or awaken love until the time is right. SOS 8:4

I throughly went to God about Mac. I prayed and I listened. I prayed. I read my Bible and read biblical books (I was reading Fervent at the time). I prayed some more. I listened to God, but listened to Mac. I listened to our conversations. I aligned what he said with what God's word said. I aligned his actions with that of the actions of God's word and they fit perfectly. I feel like I knew he was my husband on the first date. Now did I tell him or anybody else. HECK no lol. SOS 8:4.

The List

But I had "my list" and he fit everything on it. My list was biblical, practical, and reflective of who I am. I do not think any man on earth is perfect, but Mac is perfect for me. What drew me to him was how he pursued me. I was attracted to his tenacity and faith in Jesus, but also how he had a vision. I had a vision and ours came together for the mutual upbuilding of one another. So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding (Romans 14:19).

To leave you homeland with a dollar and a dream is attractive. Because that is also what I did. I had nothing and was not going anywhere with what I had. Sure I could remain in my comforts, but even then it was uncomfortable. The Bible says, "Now the LORD said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you (Genesis 12:1)." That is what we both did and God saw fit that we come together for His glory.

Gos is Love. Stayed tuned for part II.....

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