So I recently joined the phenomenal #TheShiftAtl young adult ministry at World Changers Church and the topic was about the Five Love Languages.
This was my first time taking the quiz, but I was already familiar with its contents. I was very excited to take the quiz and get confirmation on who I think I am as well as, learn some new things about myself.
I took the quiz as a single person, but there is another form of the quiz for couples. I plan to take this again when I am dating my future hubby. I believe this will be a great way to show your friends, family, and lovers how you need to be loved. Plus, learn how they need to be loved.
My top scores were
Quality Time- 9
Acts of Service-7
Words of Affirmation-7
I was not surprised at the quality time, but the other two were somewhat new to me, especially words of affirmation. I did not realize I need to be loved that way.
I do believe people needs to remind each other of their importance. People should constantly tell one another that they are appreciated, show support, and love on them with uplifting words. Remember there is power in the tongue.
One way I support my friends with words of affirmation is by sending them things they show interest in. I encourage my friends to follow through with what they said they wanted to do. I desire that everyone has the tools they need to follow their dreams.
For example, a friend of mine recently said she wanted to be an actress and sing. I saw an InstGram casting call and sent that to her. She called later and said I was a true friend of hers because I listened to her dreams and encouraged them no matter how off the wall they might have sounded. It is the little things that matter in relationships. Even when you want to give the excuse "I'm so busy" check in every now and then a show interest in your friends hobbies and life plans even if they do not align with yours. Give a few hours of your day to those you claim to care about. You never know what someone is going through and how that quality time is keeping them from jumping off the ledge.
Along with this, my friends and I often talk about our past and verbally remind each other how The Lord has brought us a mighty long way. We do this so we are not tied up in where we are not by comparing ourself to others. This is something very common of #20somethings. Instead, we rejoice about where God is taking us, despite our flaws. Sometimes a person beats up on their self all the time.
In regards to friendships the Bible says, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity (Proverbs 171:17)." That is why God gave us friends because friends love at all times. Friends love you in your mess, friends still love you when your desires change, and friend loves you even when they are not interested in your passions. Out of adversity a brother is born. What the Bible lets us know is that things will not always be smooth sailing. Friends face adversity, but while fighting together a family bond is formed.
What I learned from the Love languages quiz is that quality time is extremely important to me. I already knew this about myself.
Just because I have an unwavering relationship with Jesus does not mean life is perfect. I have had disagreements with my friends and family at times about what it means to show love tome. What I have learned over time is that you have to love people the way they need to be loved not the way you want to love them.
I have specific needs for how I desire to be treated. That is why it is important to communication your hurts. Solving misunderstandings are important. Why sit and allow anger to fester in friendships because your friend is constantly hurting you, intentionally or not. This is not godly. That is how resentment is formed. There might come a time when you grow apart from people. Howerver, God will provide you with those people you need at any given point in your life. God will also restore broken friendships in his appointed time, so stop trying to control everything. God will send people in your life that speak the same Love Language as you.
In regards to quality time, my time is VERY important to me. If I make plans with a friends unless pre-discussed and understood those plans should not be placed on the back burner. If we make plans a few days ahead I should not have to remind an adult of the plans we have made.If you are that friend, be intentional. Set your alarm. Add a reminder to your phone. But being very self drive millennial those things happen. That is why God gave us the spirit of forgiveness because man WILL FALL SHORT.
If you RSVP for something with me I expect you to show up. It is okay to tell a person you are busy, you do not want to hangout, but pretending to show interest and flaking later is hurtful. Especially if you make time for other things. Again, my love language is quality time so that is important to me. Spending time together is how receive love.
Ways to Seek Forgiveness....
If you do flake on a friend, call or text them the next day or that same day and let them know, hey I am sorry I flexed on you. Hey friend I am sorry I did not show up. Coming to a friend after an incident and seeking forgiveness goes a lot further than just avoiding them for a few days.
It is okay if you have been best buds with this person forever, it is okay if you have so much history. Sometimes you need space for clarity and growth outside of your typical relationships. I mean think about it, you never see caterpillars and butterflies hanging together. Rather you see yourself as an evolving caterpillar or a mature butterfly it is okay to spread your wings and seek after like minded people who show interest in your dreams. It does not mean your friends are bad people nor does it mean that you are too needy. This is how God created you to be loved and to love others. There are those out there who are equipped to love you the way you need to be loved.
Characteristics of friends for a person who love language is quality time
Slow to anger
Lastly, I leave you with this. The way you need to be loved is okay. You have to stop questioning your desire to be loved a certain way just because someone in incapable of doing so. Stop settling for unrequited love because you are only hindering your full potential of receiving and giving love. At the end of the day, God is the only one who loves unconditionally, with agape love, and who loves you with the love of Christ. Seek God first, and those godly relationships will follow.